The choking instrument on the Mallu menu

Today’s breakfast at my Aunt’s place is Puttu. I quietly slipped into the kitchen and coaxed the maid into making bull’s-eye and bread for me. I have always had a contempt, a scorn and a hatred for this thing. It has been part of my childhood, more than it should have been. I always wanted to find the person who invented this genius choking instrument. And the amount of work that goes into producing this steaming beauty.
Take rice, wash it, powder it, fill this mixture in a tubular vessel(that looks like a home-made bomb) and then steam it. Carefully now, using a thin and pointed instrument, push the Puttu out on the plate. Now you have a tubular breakfast. Now break it! Pluck some bananas and mix it, until your breakfast looks like puke and your hands are sticky. Before that, you should try without mixing any bananas. It’s the most precise thing to choke someone and kill him. If you have an enemy, invite him for a breakfast! Once the banana has lost its shape and been crushed like lower classes, give this shapeless substance a shape. Roll the substance into a ball and toss in the air and catch it with your mouth. A reminder for people who don’t like this, you can always drop it on the floor. Next step is to chew it, chew it 32 times(as my 8th class science teacher taught me). Once you find this gravel like substance trying to stick on every part of your gum and teeth and even your throat, grab yourself a cup of tea or coffee. Even plain water will suffice. If nothing works , “Just swallow it!”, as my mother always sincerely advised me. This is the moment I envy my grandfather who could swallow his pills with water or any assistance. I swallow it and it has been pushed down by my tongue. But, now its stuck in my throat. After one or two hours of hard- work, either I end up crying or throwing my breakfast in the dustbin. But you should always try. Try, try and try again, till you succeed. Isn’t that what we are taught?
After some ages of growth, I wonder why I never ate rice in the morning.

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2 thoughts on “The choking instrument on the Mallu menu

  1. yo melvin! I luuv ur article but I love puttu too! u hav totally misunderstood the mechanics of eating puttu properly! but awesom man, nice work!

    Like

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